


Now Kiss Me, You Fool

by gayumbrella



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Genderswap, Girl Direction, Louis is very insecure about her feelings for girls, Masturbation, and has some unreflected thoughts, but as I said it ends in a wholesome way, but ends in a wholesome way, insecure lesbians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 14:54:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19466326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayumbrella/pseuds/gayumbrella
Summary: Louis is very insecure about her (sexual) feelings for girls (and one girl in particular). So when Harry finds out that she has been touching herself before she came over, Louis becomes even more insecure. But Harry doesn't react the way Louis thought ...





	Now Kiss Me, You Fool

Louis pulled her fingers out of her cunt and ran her middle finger through her soaking wet folds up to her clit and began circling it slowly. Speeding up she began panting and huffing out little puffs of warm air. Since no one else was home she had the luxury of not having to press her face into her pillow to drown out any sound of pleasure that would escape her mouth. 

Again and again she dragged her finger over her now throbbing clit and she felt the blood rushing to her face as her hips started bucking into her own hand. She longed for something to be inside her, to fill her up, but she hadn’t yet mastered the art of fingering and rubbing herself at the same time, so she had to make do with only her fingers on her clit.

What always helped pushing her over the edge was fantasizing. Fantasizing about girls to be accurate. And to be even more accurate, fantasizing about fucking girls. Fingering them so deep they couldn’t help but scream their pleasure out into the world. Putting her tongue, where girls would only touch themselves at night, quietly when nobody would know, and licking them so good they would no longer be able to keep silent.

And most of the time Louis would think about holding a girl in place, holding her head still and making her eat her out, wanting to have a tongue inside her so deep, to be licked all over. Louis imagined how soft her lips would feel sucking on her clit, how intimate it would be to feel her tongue push inside of her slowly licking in and out driving Louis crazy until she would tell her to go faster, to go harder and bring her to climax.

With one last flick over her clit Louis blew out the breath she had been holding, releasing the pressure that had been building and was now flowing over her in waves of heat and white pleasure. She pulled her hand away from her sensitive clit and ran it over her still trembling thighs. Sighing Louis stretched out her legs after having sat with them pulled up to her chest for the last ten minutes.

The pictures of the faceless girl sucking her off had vanished as soon as the last wave of pleasure had left her body. Remaining was only this unexplainable, but very prominent sense of guilt and shame towards this girl, that had existed in her head for about only five minutes and had been really nothing more than an image hastily constructed by Louis’ thoughts.

And still she felt like one of those creepy, rich old men who sat in their offices groping their terrified secretaries’ butts and breasts or jerking off in front of their intimidated eyes. Louis pinched her eyes shut and pressed her hands against her eyes. She should be used to this, feeling like this every single time after getting off, but it always hit her with the same weight. 

It was hard, the feeling of disgust towards herself. Having to beat herself up over it every time left her exhausted and it wasn’t getting better with time. How could it, if she had to blame herself for objectifying women on the regular? If she wasn’t any better than any of these men, that women finally found the courage to speak up about?

She should just stop getting off altogether, at least that was what she always told herself afterwards, but she never managed to actually go through with it. She was so easily turned on, one look too long at an actress with a slightly revealing dress or one thought too much about going on a date with her imaginary girlfriend and she couldn’t stop her fantasy from running wild and the thought of not touching herself became unbearable.

Which then left her with an unbearable thought of a different kind. It was just too much, it felt like every time there were a couple more kilos added to the already unbelievably heavy amount of guilt she was carrying with her. It was just so unfair, straight girls and probably bi girls, too, could just get off without losing a thought about it, no boy would feel molested if a girl got off thinking about him.

At least Niall and Liam had never expressed any sign of discomfort when talking about masturbation. Which they frequently did, after Niall had broken the ice around this topic, announcing that it was completely normal to masturbate and therefore also to talk about it. And so she initiated conversations about it whenever she felt like it, which was apparently quite often. 

After initial discomfort Liam seemed to have lost all reservations and shared her masturbation habits as freely as Niall did. On the one hand Louis thought it was really great that she had a group of friends who trusted each other enough to talk about things like that and she enjoyed the confidence they each seemed to gain from these exchanges, but on the other hand she was always a bit scared to be called out for not sharing enough.

It was not like she didn’t participate in these talks, but she liked to stay on the “technical” side of things, talking about how she did and where she liked it. But while Niall and Liam always talked about what got them off, which guy they fantasized about and what they wanted him to do to them, Louis kept quiet about that part.

It was not like they didn’t know that she was a lesbian, but when she felt uncomfortable thinking about women on her own she sure as hell wasn’t telling anyone else about it. Harry seemed to be similar, she was happily sharing her techniques, but never lost a word about what she would think about while putting her techniques to use. But she really wasn’t a great help to Louis as she was completely straight and not even bi like Niall and Liam, who still seemed to be interested mainly in men, though. Zayn also couldn’t ease her burden, just sitting there, at best nodding her head at something Liam had said.

Louis felt completely alone in her misery. She couldn’t confide in anyone, she didn’t want to lose her friends over her perverted and predatory fantasies, that she couldn’t even really control. “Louis! I’m here!” Suddenly Louis’ thoughts were interrupted by Harry’s loud voice ringing through the house. Shit! She had forgotten that she was supposed to meet with Harry, who apparently had let herself in through the back door. 

“One moment!”, Louis shouted as she hectically jumped out of her bed looking for her pants. She didn’t find her boxer briefs not knowing where she had kicked them, so she just grabbed her joggers and pulled them up as she ran to the bathroom to wash her hands. But there in the hallway Harry was already standing, looking at her with questioning eyes as Louis nearly ran into her.

“Whoa there”, Harry grabbed her by the shoulders steadying her. “What’s with the running?”, she asked. Louis longingly looked at the bathroom, feeling like her hand was burning where her wetness was drying. “Don’t know, just needed to pee, so …”, Louis mumbled avoiding Harry’s eyes.

“Oh okay, don’t let me keep you then. Could you just take this with you? It’s the liquid for your contact lenses you forgot at mine last time.”, Harry tried to push the tiny bottle into Louis’ hand, unfortunately choosing the one Louis wanted to hide from her so badly. Awkwardly she pulled her hand away and reached for the bottle with her left hand. 

Under Harry’s confused eyes she hastily walked to the bathroom. She practically threw the bottle in its basket and began feverishly washing her hands under the ice cold water. Dropping her forehead against the cool mirror Louis sighed deeply. Her hand should be clean now, her conscience was anything but, though. Now that Harry (a girl!) was in her house so close after she had done something so disgusting and despicable made her feel even worse. 

Especially since most of the girls Louis imagined while getting off often looked up at her with big green eyes and curls awfully similar to Harry’s. She splashed some of the cold water in her face trying to wash away her thoughts and forget the last half hour. She needed to get back to Harry.

She opened the door and walked back to her room, where Harry was waiting for her to return. She got in and found her lounging on her bed scrolling through her phone. She had some of her hair twirled around her finger and bopped her head to a song only she seemed to hear. Louis heart skipped a beat. Harry was sitting on her bed oblivious to what she had done there just minutes before.

Louis cleared her throat forcing away her dark thoughts and said: “So, what did you want to do?” Harry looked up from her phone; “Ah, you’re back”, she smiled. “I wanted to watch the new season of Orange Is The New Black, remember? I still don’t have Netflix, so you’re really my only hope” Awkwardly Louis scratched the short hair at the back of her head: “Oh yeah, I forgot. Why do you want to watch all those lesbians anyway?” she asked. “It’s a good show”, Harry defended herself. “Now come on, I don’t want to wait anymore.”

Slowly Louis started crossing the distance she had kept to Harry and her bed and finally settled into the cushions leaving a careful gap between her and Harry. Grabbing the remote she turned on the tv and searched for the show, thankful for the distraction and the reason to not interact with Harry. She put on the first episode of the new season and leaned back. She crossed her stretched out legs and played with the remote not being able to get comfortable as she was so aware of her own presence near Harry.

Loudly Harry sucked in a breath, making Louis realize that she had been paying no attention to what was happening on the screen. She focused and told herself that she loved the show and really didn’t want to miss anything. Beginning to get sucked into the plot she slowly relaxed and leaned back. Harry sat up and pulled Louis’ blanket towards her building a backrest for herself. Louis smiled knowing how Harry always needed cushions everywhere around her to be comfortable.

“Oh, I think I found one of your boxers”, Harry laughed and held the pair of briefs up, that Louis had searched so desperately just fifteen minutes ago. Abruptly going pale Louis stuttered: “Just throw them away. I must have forgotten to put them in the laundry this morning. “This morning? They are still warm”, Harry grinned twisting them in her hands. 

“And wet!”, she exclaimed to Louis’ absolute horror. “Oh Louis, why could they be wet?”, Harry asked grinning teasingly. Louis’ thoughts were running frantically, she didn’t know what to tell her. “I don’t know”, she mumbled, her eyes desperately fixed on her hands in her lap. Harry didn’t seem to notice what she was doing to Louis and continued: “I think I know why they are wet. At least I know what’s up when my panties are wet and lost somewhere in my bed.”

Louis wanted to die. This was hell, this had to be the punishment for everything she had done. Not knowing Louis’ thoughts, Harry teased: “That would also explain that weird hand-thing you had going on there! I can’t believe it, this is so funny”, she laughed. Louis just continued staring down in her lap, it seemed to be her best option, now that Harry had figured it all out.

“Oh Louis, you aren’t embarrassed, are you?”, Harry seemed to finally have noticed how uncomfortable Louis had become. Louis couldn’t answer, addressing this situation would make it too real. Scooting over to her, Harry put her arm around Louis and hugged her. Which was even worse to Louis, she was already feeling so guilty and having Harry so close to her made her feel even more predatory.

“There’s no need to be embarrassed about it, Louis”, Harry said. “I do it all the time, nearly every day, you know?”, she tried to find Louis’ eyes, but she was still staring down on her hands. “I don’t know … I’m just not so confident about … it”, Louis answered silently, hoping that Harry would just drop the topic. But Harry bending forward and pulling her hair so that she had to face her made it clear to Louis that this was a lost battle, Harry never backed down when she found something that needed to be fixed in her opinion.

So Louis finally pulled her eyes away from her hands and looked at Harry: “I guess I’m not mainly embarrassed about touching myself, you know, it’s more the thinking that I’m uncomfortable with.” Confused Harry pulled her eyebrows together: “The thinking? What do you mean?” Fiddling with her fingers Louis answered: “Well you know, what you think about while doing it. I just feel so weird.”

“But everybody fantasizes”, Harry said, “what’s so weird about it?” Louis sighed deeply. If she was already having this conversation she could be completely open as well, there didn’t seem to be a way out. “It just feels wrong to think about girls. I can’t help it, but I always feel so creepy and predatory and disgusting. Not that you’d understand, you don’t have this problem”, she said, kind of glad that she had finally talked about it all.

And she was very surprised when Harry suddenly started to look sheepish and began to fiddle nervously with her fingers like Louis had done before. Was she embarrassed by what Louis hat said? Louis knew that she was straight, but she hadn’t thought that Harry would have a problem with the more explicit parts of her lesbianism. She had always been so supportive and she was the one who had started this conversation. She couldn’t have honestly thought that Louis the lesbian wouldn’t have gay fantasies?

Louis became very scared, she couldn’t lose her very best friend over this, when she had finally opened up. She knew that it wasn’t a really nice topic and it was understandable to her that a straight or really any girl would feel uncomfortable with this, but Harry always seemed so understanding. She couldn’t bear to lose her.

Louis sat up straight and scooted away a bit to give Harry some space and to not make her feel even more uncomfortable. She tried to seem calm: “I know it’s a bit much, I shouldn’t have said anything. Can we just forget that we had this conversation?” If they could just go back to normal maybe they could stay friends.

“No”, Harry said and Louis’ heart seemed to fall right through the floor. She had feared that Harry would say that. “Please, I just want to stay friends with you”, Louis whispered. Harry lifted her head and looked right into Louis’ eyes. 

“I have to tell you something. I should have told you a long time ago, but I just couldn’t do it”, Harry said. Louis looked back at her, fear in her eyes: “What?” Harry took a deep breath and began to talk again: “Do you remember the day you told me you were gay? You were so nervous and then so relieved when I told you it was alright and that you would forever be my best friend. But that was not all that I wanted to tell you then.”

Harry exhaled and leaned back against the wall. “I could understand how you felt better than you would have thought and I understand you better now than you think and it’s because”, again Harry exhaled deeply, “it’s because I’m gay, too. Now it’s out.” Shakily she laughed and closed her eyes, obvious relief on her face.

And Louis just stared, stared at her face with the big red mouth and the adorable nose and her long lashes and at her hands, the long fingers and bony knuckles. “Say something, please”, Harry said and Louis realized that she hadn’t responded yet. Overwhelmed with a surge of warm compassion and burning love for her friend, she threw her arms around Harry and held her close.

“I’m so proud of you”, she whispered in Harry’s ear and squeezed her shoulders. Harry buried her head between Louis’ neck and shoulder like she always did when she needed a hug. “Really? I’ve only admitted it now and you’ve been out for like forever”, she told Louis’ neck. Louis shook her head: “Bullshit. Everyone has their own way to go and you have your own valid reasons for only coming out now. And if you want to talk about it, I’m here for you.”

Harry hugged Louis back and then moved away to look at her face to face. “You are so nice”, she told her. “And you deserve to know why I have waited so long to tell anyone or you especially.” Louis shook her head: “You don’t have to tell me if you are not comfortable.” But Harry waved her concerns away: “I want to tell you, even if it’s quite hard to admit. So just let me tell you my story and at the end you can say whatever you want, ok?”

“Ok”, Louis nodded in curious agreement. And Harry started to talk: “When you came out I had known for about two years that I’m a lesbian. And I was so happy that with you I had someone who was the same as me and also my best friend. But at the same time it was really hard, because of those two years that I knew I was gay, I knew for one and a half year that I was in love with you. And I didn’t know how to deal with it and I just wasn’t able to tell you half of the truth. And that’s why I didn’t say anything, but now I’m at this point where I just can’t keep it a secret anymore. And if that’s too much for you, I completely understand and I will leave if you want me to.”

For three seconds Louis just sat there and looked at Harry who just patiently waited for a response. Then, she gathered up all her thoughts that had gone to places of all kinds. Wondering and wandering in possibilities and suddenly so realistic seeming day dreams and swimming through seas of understanding and compassion for Harry.

And it just took her those three seconds to put them all together in a coherent answer for Harry. “I can completely understand why you didn’t say anything and I think that you’re so brave for telling me now”, she reassured her. “And I don’t want you to leave, do you even know how fucking happy you have made me by saying all that?”, Louis told Harry.

And finally Harry looked up at Louis with questioning eyes: “What do you mean?” “Isn’t that obvious?”, Louis smiled. “I’m so happy you said that, because I’ve been in love with you since the minute I realized that I’m a lesbian. And probably even before, but you know what I mean. I’m in love with you.”

Louis exhaled deeply. Never would she have imagined that this would be the day that she would tell Harry what had been on her mind for so long, and certainly not that Harry would confess her feelings for her first. Well, she might have imagined it once or twice or every evening before bed, but that didn’t mean that she’d considered it a real possibility.

And now she was filled with excitement, fireworks going off in her stomach, as she waited for Harry to do something. It was her turn again, she felt, in this game that suddenly seemed to make sense to her. Still, Harry seemed shy: “You are?” and Louis hoped that she could see the sparks of her fireworks through her eyes when she answered: “Definitely. You can’t believe how good it felt to hear you say that you feel the same way.”

Slowly Harry seemed to grow more confident, as if she only now started to believe Louis. She smiled and Louis was sure that she saw the same sparks flying in her eyes. “That’s so great. I’ve dreamed of something like this for forever”, Harry breathed and flames began to burn low in Louis’ stomach. Wasn’t this the moment where she would get kissed for the first time? Every good and not so good movie had shown her that.

She wasn’t sure how that was supposed to work, did Harry even want to kiss her? And what if she did, but wouldn’t want to anymore once she had kissed Louis and found out that she was absolutely terrible at kissing?

“Do you want to kiss me?”, Harry asked and interrupted Louis’ multiple trains of thought. The flames in Louis’ stomach licked higher (and way lower if she was honest) and full of excitement and fear she nodded. This was it, now she would finally find out what it was all about. She looked in Harry’s eyes and away, this was too real.

Then, she leaned it. And brought her face closer to Harry’s and closer and closer and it happened so fast and then her nose bumped into something. And her lips were on Harry’s. Her lips were on Harry’s, and one second was one hour and then the fraction of the fraction of a second when she pulled back.

Had she really just kissed Harry? The wondrous look on Harry’s face said yes and then Louis said “yes”, when Harry said “do it again, please.” And so slow this time Louis leaned in, looking at Harry until the last moment before their lips met, again. Somehow, they fit together, Louis felt her lower lip between Harry’s and the wetness of her mouth drove her slightly insane for just a second.

Feeling Harry press back against her mouth was better than every fantasy she had ever dreamed up. And she felt at home in the warmth of her face against hers and even her long curls tickling her was magical to Louis. Again, she pulled back slightly, only to capture Harry’s lips again and feel more of the wetness in her mouth.

With her mind lost somewhere between Harry’s lips Louis’ tongue seemed to have a life of its own when she licked Harry’s lips softly. Harry exhaled a stream of air that tickled Louis mouth and again she felt her tongue drawn to Harry. Tenderly she licked between her lips and opened her mouth up a bit, until she felt Harry’s tongue against hers.

She breathed heavily through her nose as she chased Harry’s tongue with hers for the first time. Now that she had gotten a taste of it, she just couldn’t let go of her, she needed more of Harry just as much as she needed air to breath. And she got more, Harry pushed her tongue against Louis’ and all of her nerve endings seemed to explode into each other with this overwhelming feeling of being so close to Harry.

With both their tongues dancing against each other, touching every inch of their mouths and their excited breath mingling Louis felt like she was flying. And then Harry licked that spot inside Louis’ mouth and suddenly a tiny moan made its way out of her throat into Harry’s mouth. Startled, Louis pulled back and took in a deep breath.

The feeling from the beginning of their conversation was back and she wished with every fibre of her body that she could take those two seconds back and make Harry unhear her moan. Suddenly, she was also very aware of what was going on down I her pants. She was soaked and she couldn’t remember a time that she had been wetter than now.

“Why’d you stop, Louis?”, Harry asked with a raspy voice. Nervously and full of shame Louis answered: “It was too much! And I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to!” Looking confused Harry asked back: “Didn’t mean to what?” “You know… the moan. I didn’t mean to moan”, Louis all but whispered.

“But Louis!”, Harry exclaimed, “that was the hottest thing ever! There’s no need to act like this.” Perplexed Louis looked at her: “You’re not grossed out? Don’t you think it was too much?” And Harry laughed: “You really think I’m grossed out by that when you could open a swimming pool in my pants?” Surprised Louis laughed out loud: “Wow, that was seriously the dumbest and also most disgusting joke I’ve ever heard!”

“But did you really just say that?”, she asked more seriously. And Harry understood what she meant: “Yep, I just admitted that I’m ridiculously wet just from kissing you.” Louis breath was knocked from her lungs. Hearing Harry state this so directly and nonchalantly was just unbelievable to Louis who was kind of ashamed every time she was turned on, even when all by herself. 

But Harry’s braveness seemed to extend to her and with a wildly beating heart Louis admitted: “I’m so wet, too. For you, you know? Kissing you is better than I could have ever imagined.” And Harry grinned brighter than the sun, Louis had to blink a few times as not to see stars. “Now kiss me, you fool”, Harry smiled and Louis did. Over and over again.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is very important to me, although parts still aren't edited. I just wanted to get it up, after spending weeks of writing tiny parts and letting it rest again. I hope you enjoy the story and if you can relate to Louis, I hope the way I dealt with it and the ending was satisfying to you. I might write a part two, since actual sex didn't feel right for this story, even though I had it in mind when first starring the story. Well, I hope you like it and as always, comments are very much appreciated!


End file.
